Yesterday...

Was a long, emotionally exhausting day. I've had a few realizations, and one is that my health while it has improved is still NOT healthy.

I can't do everything I'm doing and maintain my care... So today if the head manager is around I'm putting my resignation in for work. Hopefully they understand my reasons (though I highly doubt that will be the case, save for Lisa understanding, due to not talking much to my other managers while working).

Once I work my life out and get things straight I'll look for another job, maybe a FTJ even. As it is, Daily Bloggin might go to the wayside too, just because I'm really really trying to straighten my life out all around; it's one 101 goal that I don't feel terribly guilty if I fail so I don't care.

I'm sad that the second source of income will be gone so things might be tight for a bit. But I should get at least one or two more paychecks to buffer that, and eventually I hope to start selling art and handmade items maybe (but that's farther down the road)

I can't keep lying to myself or my husband though. Even if it was unconciously lying to both of us, it's going to kill me if I don't stop it.

I spent a good 80 percent of yesterday crying and trying not to think about it so much that I couldn't, but enough to figure things out. Today I've spent doing what I should be, taking care of myself, picking up the pieces as it were and putting them back together.

Thank God Dave is the wonderful understanding husband that he is. He was upset at first, but he got past it, and while he's still not a-ok I'm sure, He's dedicated to helping me out and not just "getting over this." Thinking back today on things that could have been, things that were, and all... I would never ever ever change my decisions. I couldn't ever do this, or anything that I can today as well if I didn't have Dave's support. I hope he knows this as much as I do.

I'm upset with myself for it taking this to come to my realizations, but i'm glad it happened now rather then later. That i can still fix this and get back to being me. Fully me, Wholly me as I was intended to be when I was born.

I'll still try and keep up with everything, but if i'm quiet (both online and off) at least you have an idea as to why.

KARAOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT STARTS AGAIN TONIGHT! HORRAY!

i've been going through withdrawals :( lol

I made burgers AND fries tonight.... we'll see how people like them, will put the recipe in AIOTIC later... first we eats! I think i may have scorched my pan though :(

Today was okay, had the day off of work due to them scheduling me during a doctor's appointment. Horray for a day off, boo for that many more dollars not in my paycheck :(

Gastroenteroligist says that things looked ok with my last set of labs, but she drew more this time just to be sure (per usual) I see her again in april. She said i looked better than when last we saw though ^_^ which is nice.

Not much else... uh... that i can think of anyways... HEY LOOK IT'S BEFORE MIDNIGHT!

grrr keep getting sidetracked by food planning...

>_< But i'm still trying to blog for every day of the month.


today's prompt : The way a Father should love his Child



I see His eyes when the times get rough. When he wonders if just being there is ever enough for them. The inner struggle of blood versus water, family versus that which rules over oneself, is horrid to watch. They never see Him when He picks them up after they fall, or gives them advice in whispers and undertones. They only acknowledge Him when it is to their advantage, or when they need a person to blame. Yet He is always there, always loving them, holding them, helping them when they need Him most, and when they don't. I stand back and i wish to be able to comfort Him with the same amount of love that he gives them. Yet unlike the Father of Lights, I cannot love the way one should love his Child.

So today i'm going to attempt to make Ham and roasted smashed taters... meaning you cook the taters until fork tender and then you put them in a roasting pan and 'smuush' them with a glass (or other hard flat object) then you roast them! YUMMY

lol

I also found a site that has a 1 bag 5 meals listing, where they give you 4 recipes that can all be bought withfood that will fill roughly one bag (one of the meals is a frozen pizza) later i'm going to go grocery shopping with a 2 bags ten meals list, and also a small list of ingredients of things we still need, and stuff to make a scrumptious sounding cauliflower soup.

Now i just need to find some sort of bread recipe to try that isn't to difficult.

Not a bad day for spending most of it (i've been up since about 630) feeling horribly achey and tired. ^_^

just got home at 12:11 am on the sixth, so this is my place holder for my jan 5th entry...

I'm going to bed

Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have had.

M: Hello?

P: Hey Queenie! It's your Slave!

M:Pepo! How... How are you feeling?

P: I'm feeling great

M: I miss you, you know? I remember feeling so angry that you never said goodbye... Then I always remember you never were one for good byes. Mom says she always imagines you Sitting up there singing some ditty about waiting for us and baking a cake.

P: I remember that song "If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake, baked a cake, baked baked, If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake, hatchadoo, hatchadoo, hatchadoo"

M: That's the one. Hey I have a question, Do you get to hang out with George Carlin?

P: It's a big place here, lots of folks, I haven't run into him just yet.

M:I'm sure you two'll get along great if you meet up.

P: How're Memo and your mom? How's Kissy doing?

M: They're all doing good. We all miss you, and we talk about you sometimes... Kristyl and I sorta grew closer talking about you after you left. But they are living their lives and seem to be happy. I don't see them much anymore since I live in a different state.

P: I saw that, and you got married too! He's a good guy right?

M: Of course he is, he makes me happy and I love him with all my heart.

P: He better be treating my Queenie like royalty

M: *laughs* Pepo? I love you, I wish I could have spent more time with you. That you could have been there when I visited for Spring break, that you might have gone to my graduation.

P: I'm sorry Queenie. I wish i could have been there too, but it was just time.

M:I'll miss you still... Will we get to talk again?

P: I don't know...

M: ...

P: Rat-to Sarah, Love you, live a good life, and be happy.

M: I love you too Pepo

P: *click and dial tone*

M: Goodbye...

This may be harder to do than I thought

I really can't think of anything worthwhile to blog today :(

I had to work an extra hour at work due to someone calling in. It wasn't horrid, but I really didn't enjoy it. I suppose that's all ok though, I don't have to be back until 530 tomorrow!

My next venture is to find some matcha (green tea) powder so i can make some Matcha Shortbread!

Day One (Or Two I Suppose)

1001 musings: So far I think i'm doing ok, I've managed to drink my water, donate my rice, I even knocked out a 'self made' recipe. I mean it's just a rub / spice for cooking with. But I even did the baking times without looking them up.

Trying to speak louder on the other hand is a bit tougher. While at work i try to stand farther away when I greet people as the enter the store, and if they hear me it makes me smile a bit. I didn't have to repeat myself as many times today as usual.

Everyday stuff: Day wasn't too bad, work went by quickly, and despite the general ignorance that seemed to permeate some of our customers brains, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Heck the entire store was ready to be opened before I even got there! I stopped and picked up my first two gallons of Milk for my challenge today, and so far I'm hoping I can make them last seven days EACH. I picked up four yellow daisies and some pink carnations to brighten the house too... I'm in a fairly good mood. Now if only my body would get with the program and be happy too ;)

101 in 1001

I recently was directed to a Site (Found HERE) that is a MUCH better Alternative to the New Years Resolution then the typical ideas, I believe. So here goes:

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

The Key:
Not Started
In Progress
***ACCOMPLISHED*** (with the date)
Not Accomplished

Cleaning / Organization / Cooking

1. Keep up with Dishes for 3 consecutive months (0-3)
2. Do laundry at least once a week for 3 months (0-12)
3. Clean the kitty litter every week for 3 months (0-12 / 0-3)
4. Learn 100 NEW recipes (8-100)
5. Learn how to cook Fish and Seafood
6. Host one multi-course Supper for friends (0-1)
7. Learn to make at least 3 premade items, such as peanut butter or granola bars. (0-3)
8. Purchase New Mattress (Perhaps a new bed frame also?) (0-1)
9. Wash Dishes by hand for an entire month, only use dishwasher for large pots and pans (0-1)
10. Use re-useable bags primarily when grocery shopping
11. Turn off lights when not in use, dim monitor also
12. Create Ten Recipes of my own (1-10) Recipes: 1
13. Learn to make 5 kinds of soup (0-5)
14. Go through boxes and condense items by half
15. Drink at least 1 container (pre-chosen) or water every day for a month(25-31)
16. Make a gallon of milk last 7 days 7 times (0-7)
17. Replace light bulbs with energy efficient ones
18. Remove leftovers from refrigerator after 2 nights
19. Decorate Gaming / Living Room
20. Make 20 Breakfasts consisting of more than just cereal (0-20)
21. Bake Five different loaves of bread (0-5 Bread: )
22. Learn & make 5 cocktails

Personal / Cultural

1. Say yes to at least 6 experiences I am unsure about (0-6)
2. Donate 1,000,000 grains of RICE (25,000 - 1,000,000)
3. Travel to 3 states I've never been to before. (0-3)
4. Finish the "About Us" book with Dave
5. Identify 100 things that make me happy (0-100)
6. Read the Entire Bible (0 - 66 books OLD Testament: 0-39 NEW testament 0-27)
7. Identify 5 bad habits and work on getting rid of them. (0-5)
8. Identify 5 good habits and build on them. (0-5)
9. Identify 25 things I like about myself (0-25)
10. Save 500 dollar in saving and maintain at least that amount for 4 or more months (0-4)
11. Drive at least once each week for a year (0-48)
12. Read at least 6 books a year (0-6 / 0-6)
13. Make a monthly budget and do not exceed (emergencies accepted) for 6 months (0-6)
14. Learn to speak louder
15. Gain better control of my energy
16. Learn more about my family History
17. Go on a spur of the moment road trip with no end destination (0-1)
18. Travel to 3 places i've never been before (stores and restaraunts not applicable) (0-3)
19. Eat a pie from Strawns Pie Shop (0-1)
20. Finish Lost Odyssey
21. Cut our Impulse Buying
22. Rework and maintain my resume
23. Update my license and Register to vote in Louisiana
24. Learn ASL
25. Volunteer in some form once a month (0-33)

Travel

1. Visit a place with Snow (0-1)
2. Build a Snowman (0-1)
3. Make a snow angel (0-1)
4. Have a snowball Fight (0-1)
5. Participate in one Paintball Event (0-1)
6. Complete "My Japanese Coach" speech training (0-1)
7. Visit Japan (0-1)
8. Obtain a passport (0-1)


Health

1. Increase maximum of sit ups by 5 every month for a year (0-60)
2. Increase maximum of push ups by 5 every month for a year (0-60)
3. Increase maximum amount of weight lifting to 50 pounds (0-50)
4. Run a 1/4 mile without stopping by the end of one year (0-1)
5. Complete a mile in under ten minutes (0-1)
6. Include Husband and Room mate in training ('s 9-11) for at least 3 months (0-3)
7. Make and Maintain an emergency supply kit for the car (0-1)
8. Take a multivitamin every day for 30 consecutive days (0-30)
9. Spend one day each month with NO computer time at all, Spend the day outdoors (0-33)

Interpersonal

1. Have a Couples Portrait Taken once a year (0-2)
2. Spend a day at a Spa with Dave
3. Save and Buy a permanent 'ring' for David
4. Bake Dave a Birthday Cake (0-1)
5. Bake Jello a Birthday Cake (0-1)
6. Go on a date with Dave once a month (My treat) (0-33)
7. Go on a Weekend Camping trip
8. Write letters to three famous people and send them , see if i get a response (Sent: 0-3 Responded: 0-3)
9. One Surprise a month (0-33)
10. Cover a stranger's bill at a restaurant 5 times a year (0-5 / 0-5 / 0-5)
11. Organize and host a "robin feast"
12. Host a girl's only Tea Party (0-1)
13. Host a dinner or luncheon for Husband and his Friends (0-1)


Creative

1. Create one Cosplay Costume (at least half self made) (0-1)
2. Draw 100 art pieces (2-100)
3. Compliment a complete stranger 10 times. (4-10)
4. View at least 12 sunrises (once a month if possible) (0-12)
5. Write 10 handwritten letters (0/10)
6. Learn at least one song on the guitar by memory (0-1)
7. Smile to show that I am Happy not just to please others
8. Accept at least 10 compliments without downplaying it (0-10)
9. When thanking someone ( not familiar to me) shake their hand firmly and look them in the eye at least 3 times a month (0-99)
10. Take one cultural outing a month (1-33)
11. Participate in a ghost tour (0-1)
12. Make a portfolio with a minimum of 100 traditional media art pieces in it (0-100)
13. Participate in A-Kon (0-1) (tickets have been bought, room is soon to be saved)
14. Finish Jello's Character Page (0-1)
15. Buy and Complete new Sketchbook (0-1)
16. Make and Maintain a Pen Pal
17. Finish NoLa Painting
18. Maintain Food Blog with at least One entry per month (1-33)
19. Carve a Halloween pumpkin
20. Blog every day for a month (excluding the no computer day) (8/30)
21. Design and Create one Outfit (0-1)
22. Try out for one talent contest (0-1)
23. Write reviews (of books, movies, shows or music) 6 times (0-6)
24. Find (or if need be) Sew a "Doctor who" length scarf (0-1)



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