Yesterday...

Was a long, emotionally exhausting day. I've had a few realizations, and one is that my health while it has improved is still NOT healthy.

I can't do everything I'm doing and maintain my care... So today if the head manager is around I'm putting my resignation in for work. Hopefully they understand my reasons (though I highly doubt that will be the case, save for Lisa understanding, due to not talking much to my other managers while working).

Once I work my life out and get things straight I'll look for another job, maybe a FTJ even. As it is, Daily Bloggin might go to the wayside too, just because I'm really really trying to straighten my life out all around; it's one 101 goal that I don't feel terribly guilty if I fail so I don't care.

I'm sad that the second source of income will be gone so things might be tight for a bit. But I should get at least one or two more paychecks to buffer that, and eventually I hope to start selling art and handmade items maybe (but that's farther down the road)

I can't keep lying to myself or my husband though. Even if it was unconciously lying to both of us, it's going to kill me if I don't stop it.

I spent a good 80 percent of yesterday crying and trying not to think about it so much that I couldn't, but enough to figure things out. Today I've spent doing what I should be, taking care of myself, picking up the pieces as it were and putting them back together.

Thank God Dave is the wonderful understanding husband that he is. He was upset at first, but he got past it, and while he's still not a-ok I'm sure, He's dedicated to helping me out and not just "getting over this." Thinking back today on things that could have been, things that were, and all... I would never ever ever change my decisions. I couldn't ever do this, or anything that I can today as well if I didn't have Dave's support. I hope he knows this as much as I do.

I'm upset with myself for it taking this to come to my realizations, but i'm glad it happened now rather then later. That i can still fix this and get back to being me. Fully me, Wholly me as I was intended to be when I was born.

I'll still try and keep up with everything, but if i'm quiet (both online and off) at least you have an idea as to why.